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    寫作是弱者的事業——對話東西(一)

    一、秘密是我寫作的原動力

    李宗文:東西老師好,話題從童年說起。很多人都有過快樂的童年,你的童年是壓抑還是快樂?

    東 西:面對大自然,我是快樂的。面對人類,我比較抑郁。我的家鄉在廣西天峨縣谷里村,那里較為偏僻。在我童年時,森森茂密,常聽到野獸長嚎,春天有野草莓,秋天有野果子。我常跟伙伴們鉆到林子里采野果,甚至埋伏在草地里偷看野雞。有時我們一玩就是一天,忘了饑餓,忘了家里父母的著急。但是,面對人類,我的快樂極少。原因是鄉村利益邊界不夠清晰,每一個家庭都從自己的角度出發,為了捍衛自己的土地、宅基地,為了保護自己豢養的雞鴨牛馬,常常要跟鄰里甚至親戚爭吵。那真是個弱肉強食的環境,如果家里沒個狠人,雞被偷,牛被盜,樹林被盜伐,土地被占領是常有的事。我的家庭成分不好,父親善良軟弱,母親貌似強悍卻強不起來。所以,童年時我常被欺負,很少看到別人的善意。

    李宗文:但是現在你常在微博上曬出家鄉的美景,好像已經跟家鄉和解了。

    東 西:美國作家威廉·福克納說:“我愛南方,也憎恨它。這里有些東西,我根本就不喜歡,但是我生在這里,這是我的家。因此我愿意繼續維護它,即使是懷著憎恨。”這就是我對家鄉的感情。從寫作的角度來說,童年時的不幸也許是件好事,它讓你早熟,讓你看懂人性,知道人情冷暖。它讓你敏感,讓你觀察,甚至有可能培養你的毅力。但前提是,你必須能夠活下來,并接受教育。當你離開故鄉,當你成熟之后,你會發現人性本來如此,鄉村里的那點吵鬧和
    你后來見識到的險惡,根本不值得一比。沈從文曾經逃離過故鄉,魯迅也曾不愿回鄉,莫言當兵離家時也暗暗發誓再也別回來。但是,他們都從故鄉汲取了創作營養,最終對故鄉一往情深。我想這是鄉村作家的宿命。

    李宗文:你剛才提到的接受教育,這對鄉村的孩子來說幾乎是惟一的希望。很幸運,你通過讀書考出來了。你是高考恢復后,第幾批考上大學的?

    東 西:1977年中國恢復高考。我是1982年參加高考的。當時中國缺人才,百廢待興,只要你擁有中專以上的文憑,就可以分配工作。我考上河池師專中文系,雖然只是一個專科生,但畢竟有工作有工資了,算是比較幸運。

    李宗文:當時你覺得高考容易嗎?你的學習情況是怎樣的?

    東 西:對高考當時沒什么感覺,不像現在的孩子一上學就要肩負重任,不是清華就是北大或者出國留學。我父母送我上學讀書的目的非常簡單,就是能識幾個字,能記工分,在生產隊里不被人暗算就可以了。因為沒有強制性目標,所以讀書比較放松,對教學質量沒有要求。我上初中是在村里面上的,學校
    很簡陋,老師不齊全,沒有英語、物理、化學老師。老師也沒有升學率約束,全憑學生自覺,四分之一的時間用來勞動,五分之一的時間用來打籃球。因為沒有別的體育設施,上體育課就是在泥地里打籃球。同學們一跑起來,塵土飛揚。所幸的是,我從村初中考上了縣高中,全班只有我一人考上。這一步非常關鍵,它讓我享受了全縣較好的師資,也在朦朧中看到了希望。在縣高中,我的成績慢慢上升,高中讀三年,然后參加高考。

    李宗文:接下來你在大學辦起文學社來?

    東 西:應該說是參加了文學社比較準確。在高中的時候我就有寫作欲望,作文偶爾被語文老師表揚,甚至拿到班上當范文來讀。上寫作課的時候有三分之二的同學都怕,但是我特別喜歡,寫作課一來我就興奮。還在讀高中時,我就想寫小說,卻苦于沒有能力。到了河池師專學中文,發現學校有一個“新笛”文學社,每年都搞征文比賽,社里還辦了一張小報,可以發表詩歌、散文和小小說,于是就迫不及待地申請加入。我特別喜歡征文比賽,但獲獎不容易,好多文學社員都寫得比我好。我于是惡補,看寫作書,讀世界名著,用別人的手寫自己的故事。我的故事比其他同學的多,因為我從小就知道張家長李家短,知道誰家的父子反目為仇,哪一家的媳婦偷人了。這是鄉村生活的饋贈,讓我從小就懂得了大人們的秘密。而秘密是我寫作的原動力。過去是想寫出別人的秘密,現在則想寫出內心的秘密。我讀的是師范類學校,畢業后要當老師,因此有一技能必須學習,那就是刻蠟紙。我們領到刻板和蠟紙之后,并不急著學習刻字,而是把那張蠟紙變成一張報紙來辦,號召同學寫短文,刻在蠟紙上,然后印出來分發。這是我最早主辦的文學“刊物”。后來,慢慢地在班上寫出了一點名聲,開始成為文學社的核心成員。

    李宗文:當時的作文大賽有獎品嗎?

    東 西:發表有稿費,獲獎有獎品。稿費對我們這些窮學生很重要。我參加文學社之后,辦報紙發表詩歌散文小說后就有收入了。那時候我們的伙食費一個月就18 元錢,而辦報紙寫稿后一個學期我能掙十塊二十塊錢,相當于每個月增加了五塊錢的收入。有這個收入就特別有自豪感,是通過寫作或者辦報紙得到的。辦報紙參加文學社還鍛煉了自己的組織能力,比如號召同學去參加比賽,然后又如何組織老師來評獎,如何組織學生們來參加頒獎等等。

    李宗文:你真正經濟獨立是工作以后還是怎樣?

    東 西:畢業后,我分回家鄉天峨中學做高中語文老師,每月工資36元左右。一個月也就這么一點錢,如果家里來親戚,請吃一兩頓飯,工資就全部沒了。不管怎么省吃儉用,每個月的最后十天,基本沒有早餐費。沒有就不吃早餐,等發了工資再恢復。記得有個月末,又沒早餐錢了,正發愁,一家出版社退回了我寄去買書的一塊多錢。出版社說那本書銷完了,錢退回。我拿著那張匯款單跑到郵局,把錢取出來,趕緊買了兩個面包。應該說是我有了工作之后就開始了經濟獨立,但偶爾家里還資助我。比如,我從天峨調到河池時的搬家費就是家里支持的。當時家里賣了一頭豬,母親就把錢拿給我了。

    李宗文:從鄉村到縣城再到省城,一步步靠近城市,意味著你的人生發生什么變化?

    東 西:上個世紀80年代,寫作能改變一個人的工作環境,我們稱之為寫作可以改變命運。比如說我因為寫作的特長,從天峨縣調到河池地區行署辦公室做秘書。做了兩年,我覺得這個工作不適合我,還是想寫作,于是就調到了河池日報社副刊部做編輯。到報社去做記者編輯的好處是能接觸讀者、作者,能更多地了解社會。特別做副刊編輯后,交了一批愛好文學的朋友,大家都窮開心。后來,我又從河池日報調到了廣西日報社副刊部。之所以要離開縣城,原因是縣里太偏僻了。偏僻到什么程度呢?從縣城到省城坐車需要兩天時間。有時候我上完課,坐在自己的宿舍門口看著進城的公路,忽然看見一輛吉普車晃晃悠悠地駛來,整個人包括整個縣城都興奮,仿佛那輛車里坐著自己的親戚。加之縣城人口少,愛好寫作的人不多,你很難找到志趣相投的人。上個世紀80年代是中國剛剛改革開放時期,中國打開了大門和窗口,迎接各種思潮的到來,青年人蠢蠢欲動,都想有所作為。而呆在偏僻的縣城,信息閉塞,交流困難,總覺得自己遲早會被這個世界甩下。于是,想離開,去遠方,就像今天的年輕人北漂那樣,相信城市。當時,一個中學教師要離開縣城是非常難的,除非你有硬關系,或特長。我是靠寫作特長離開家鄉的。到了省城之后,起碼能見到雜志社的編輯,能跟當時在省里成名的青年作家們交流思想。更實際的是工資比縣城高,生活質量有所提高,寫作的心態較為從容。

    李宗文:你最近的長篇小說《篡改的命》,里面現在的鄉村的孩子,沒有你幸運。高考被人冒名頂替,命運在毫不知情的情況下被人篡改。從被動篡改到主動篡改,結局很辛酸。你是一個通過高考改變命運的人,為什么對高考如此失望?

    東 西:我不是對高考失望,是對今天的命運改變失望。在我成長的那個年代,草根還是有希望的,還是有可以通過努力改變命運的。但是今天,少數草根還有希望,大多數卻難改變。如今盛行“拼爹”,如果沒有背景,改變何其難也。

    (轉自:《江南》雜志,2016年第六期,對話人及對話整理:李宗文)

    責任編輯: 韋海生

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